Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
*Knock Knock*
“Delivery!”
“Weird... I don't remember ordering anything?” Pulls open the door to find a strange package with a note on it.
Note:
Dear Writer!
You have been chosen, out of a random raffle that you probably forgot you signed up for, to take our newest prototype glasses for a test spin. CONGRATS! We hope they improve your “Creativity” in your writing adventure!
P.S: Try not to @#$% everything!
“Okaaaaaaaay...” As I open the box I am greeted by a stylish pair of spectacles! With a shrug of my shoulders, I swap my current prescription lenses, for these fishy ones. Suddenly, everything in my apartment turns into hot people. Smiling and beckoning me closer. I clear my throat.
“As the great Argus Filch, caretaker of Hogwarts, once said: Oh, dear... We are in trouble...”
~
Is It Weird to Date Your Furniture?
Have you been feeling down? Lost your job? Are you an introvert who wishes to find true love, but can't seem to pull away from your anime waifu or husbando? Look no further, because Date Everything is a Visual Novel, Dating Sim that takes some unknown forces, or mad genius, that decided to have pity on your soul and sends you the perfect pair of scientific glasses that turn most of your household amenities, furnishings and doohickeys into personified stud muffins!
What's that? Don't believe in such fairytale like gadgets? Well, too bad, because they're real and they're about to up your dating life with a one of a kind experience that most people only dream of! The 'finding a hot date' kind... not the fact that you may (or may not) be able to make out with your Bed, Fridge, Bath, Etc... The list goes on and on.
I never thought writing a review, while my PC gives me the bedroom eyes would be so hard? LITERALLY!
A Global Palate Worth Exploring
There are over 100 dateable characters to meet in your home. Some are easy-peasy, while others can be tricky-whicky! Luckily your phone will keep track of all ROOMers you hear in your home. Your Dateviators (the name of your funky, spunky, glasses) will highlight items of interest that may be be your next potential victi---- AHEM---- I mean date, which is handy in wondering whether or not you can flirt with your light socket. Who knows? Try them and find out, that's half the fun! Even keeping track of time will become essential. Tick, tock, people!
You also only have 5 tries in a day to start up a conversation. That counts toward one you've already had a chat with, so you will have to keep track of what counts as the same character for certain items. Example: Your night stand, coffee table and dinner table all count as the same person.
AND ANOTHER THING! WHY DOES ALMOST EVERYONE DO THE LIP BITING THING!?!? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THAT AFFECTS ME? LIKE, BEYOND BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH! I KNOW I'M A SNACK, THANKS!
Not to mention that all 100 dateables are fully voiced by different voice actors. You may recognize one or two. Or ten. There's a lot, so chances are at least SOME you'll recognize.
There's Someone/Something for Everyone
One of the biggest things that stands out to me in this game is the shear amount of detail in each character that was carefully crafted. From height, to gender, to ethnicity, to quirks, to ABSOLUTE nut cases. Can't handle certain personality types? Don't worry, because the game has set up trigger warnings incase you're uncomfortable with certain... stereotypes? They've gone to such lengths to make sure no one is blindsided by certain individuals that may stir up past traumatic memories of real life experiences.
So, if I wanted tall Nigerian Princes, or a Shadow Daddy, or even a Samurai Warrior to sweep me off my feet, this title's got your back!
Let's Take a Minute to Check Those SPECS
One of MANY interesting aspects that the game will teach you about in romancing, be-friending and rivalling is the SPECS meter. Short for Smarts, Poise, Empathy, Charm and Sass. For each relationship you develop you will gain some points that will eventually help you to REALIZE those who you wish to grow a stronger connection with.
Uh oh, happen to piss off the wrong person? Maybe you were “FREIND-ZONED”? Don't worry, because there are these tasty little candies that'll open an opportunity to hopefully rekindle that relationship. Careful, though, they aren't easy to get. So Chews wisely!
I May Never Leave My House Again
To conclude, Date Everything is a modernized Visual Novel Dating Sim with almost everything for everyone. It doesn't go above and beyond to force you into any uncomfortable or unwanted situations/relationships. It gives out ample opportunity to make careful, or crazy, decisions. Visually stunning characters and dialogue for days. And overall, an abundance of content just waiting to be discovered. If you have the time, patience, PASSION and heart, then perhaps this dating sim is your calling. I'm happy to give this game a rating of 9.5 out of 10!
~
*Checks SPECS*
“50 out of 100 lovers?” Readjust the Dateviators. “I'm, half way there, baby!”
Score: 9.5 / 10
